A Sense of Peace | Fairbanks Newborn Photography

I totally have to comment on my comments, because they are making me giddy - I had nooooo idea we had so many Ugg'rs out there! Woot-woot! But seriously, stop feeding me ideas like "I have an indoor pair and an outdoor pair" - when I told Mr. MachC that, I'm pretty sure I saw a sideways laugh, an eye roll and then a look of 'you're not serious are you?!' It never even occurred to me to have an indoor pair!!! Uggs will be my downfall, I swear.

So 1:36am last night and I was up. Still up. Even though I'd gone to bed prior to that hour, I was still up at close to 2 in the morning. For whatever reason, I just kept thinking about being in my writing (righting) rut over the years (I wrote for a living in a previous life - if you can believe that! now I just cringe - so outta practice!) and how in recent times that has translated into more of a creative crashing, trying to work through new things.

This train of thought led me to my most recent casting call {that I am enjoying *SO* much!} and how nice it has been for me to just be. Funny enough, I came across this quote today on another blog (Me Ra Koh):

An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing. Defending our right to such time takes courage, conviction, and resiliency. Such time, space, and quiet will strike our family and friends as withdrawal from them. It is.

For an artist, withdrawal is necessary. Without it, the artist in us feels vexed, angry, out of sort. If such deprivation continues, our artist becomes sullen, depressed, hostile. We eventually became like cornered animals, snarling at our family and friends to leave us alone and stop making unreasonable demands.

We are the ones making unreasonable demands. We expect our artist to be able to function without giving it what it needs to do so. An artist requires the upkeep of solitude. An artist requires the healing of time alone.

-Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way

It seems very fitting, doesn't it? I think I've had some 'alone time' (dare I call it down time) in recent weeks ... maybe even months... but nothing substantial. Nothing that I could fully grasp. It's interesting to think that maybe this was my mind's way of grabbing onto a moment of that just for me, as an artist ... a small piece of alone time to think & reflect in the middle of the night. Probably the most solitude, peaceful time of day for most of us. Mothers especially.

After thinking about the latest newborn a little bit, I reflected on the black & whites I've been working on lately and getting to test some of Sonia's work; what she puts her heart & soul into. Which made me think of my own black & white journey and being in the darkroom, years and years ago at this point, in Atlanta. Taking the train to school. Walking to class. Getting scolded by a grumpy security guard because I walked through their business lot (for what it's worth, I had to laugh - and it still makes me laugh - I was walking on the sidewalk! I think he was just a little over-bearing on what his role actually was... and if it was to keep anyone from coming into their place of business, to do business with them, he did a great job *wink, wink* ). Thinking about the awesome instructor-professor I had and how intent he was on pushing everyone to their next level.

And then my brain skipped a beat and I thought about the letter of recommendation and referral that same instructor gave me to attend an incredible documentary program. How I was all set to go and my mom got sick, hospital sick. Medivac'd her to Anchorage sick. Almost lost her sick. And so I declined my acceptance because I just couldn't go and focus on studies at that time and place. It seemed too trivial.  It's crazy to think how one thing leads to another. I hadn't thought about that fork in the road in a long, long time. But you know what? Thinking about it calmed my soul, and let me reflect once again how much I love the darkroom... and now, finally, the digital darkroom. The healing of alone time is found even there. And with that, I started to drift off to sleep, thinking of this... all of this ... and how happy it makes me...